Mein Luftkissenfahrzeug ist voller Aale

OK, OK, I know it’s been a LONG time since I wrote, but give me a break! In that time we broke free from our masters, got a taste of life in Munich, and I spent a few days laying around in pain and agony…but more on that later. I’ll start from the beginning: the escape. Rather than waiting until Wednesday, Nate and I made an early break-away on Friday night. After getting a ride from Jenny and Helmut’s friend Elke, a kind abolitionist, we stayed a few nights in Bad Endorf, a nearby town.

Now I shall break to remember our dear old friend The Count. He will forever be in our hearts and we mourn that he has to stay back at the plantation. We wanted to bring him with us, but alas we did not have the means to control his diabetes or change his catheters, even though Nate agreed to give him a bath on Fridays. He did give us a great send off though, as we saw him parading about the house naked. And upon our departure, he sadly said, “Ah, Ah, Auf Weidersen!”


The safehouse at Bad Endorf was a nice hotel; our room even had a small kitchenette where we could prepare meals. We stayed here for the weekend and it was wonderful to have the chance to rest and recuperate. We even dared to go out into public and got a great dinner of steak, potatoes, swinebraten, potato dumplings, and of course a liter and a half of great tasting German beer.

On Sunday we took the above ground railroad to Munich, where we remain staying in the Euro Youth Hostel. The Euro Youth Hostel is like a meeting of the United Nations of Backpacking College Students (UNBCS). We had been growing tired of hearing German all the time, and were pleased to hear many English voices mingling among German, French, Italian, Spanish, and a whole host of Asian languages. The hostel is catered towards a young crowd and even has a bar (which stays open until 4:00 am) where beers are only 2 euro at happy hour! We have been bouncing around in the 5 and 10-bed dorms as well as private rooms.

On Monday we decided to dive right into our new life of FUN! We took a FREE walking tour of Munich which introduced us to the history and culture of the city. Munich is a very interesting city in that it has a long, rich history of kings, beer, and the Catholic Church reflected in its old palaces, beer halls, and cathedrals. Unfortunately, many of these buildings were destroyed because of the dark side of Munich’s history: World War II and the Natzi Party. 80% of Munich was built after 1945, but you wouldn’t know it by looking at the city. During the war residents knew that the city would be destroyed and so they painstakingly took pictures of all of the great buildings. Most of the buildings have now been reconstructed (and some are still being reconstructed) to spec, even to the degree of the original canonball from the 30 Years War being replaced into the brick of a church.

Later that night we wanted a different kind of taste of Munich, so we went out to the world famous Hofbrauhaus. The Hofbrauhaus was commissioned in the 1500’s by Duke Wilhelm, who was abhorred by the crappy beer in Munich. Yes, believe it or not Munich has not ALWAYS had good beer. It used to only be a royal brewery and beer hall. Later men were allowed, and women followed. And then we came. The beer hall is in the traditional Bavarian style with long wooden tables and benches, everyone sitting together waving liters of beer, and the joyous sound of an oompapa band. Nate and I naturally wanted to sit near the band and so politely asked to sit at a table with 2 Belgians, a Columbian, a Chilean, a hick from Arkanasas, and one drunk-ass German local wearing SHORT-shorts leiderhausen made of suede leather which he was making women feel. Later in the night we found that he had been there since 11:00 am and had been spotted on previous days as well. The man was quite a character. He carried an old pistol in his pocket, the barrel of which he filled with snuff. He also had a large hunting knife which he used to de-bone the chicken of the stranger next to him, and then proceeded to chew on the bones.

While we were enjoying the antics of the local, who we began to affectionately call Mark Beyersdorf because of the uncanny resemblence, Nate had also downed 6 liters of beer and me somewhere around 4. Needless to say, we were having a good time. Then the oompapa band began marching around the entire hall singing and playing while patrons stood on their seats and danced, or maybe I should say wobbling back and forth. Nate was participating in this “dance” as well with his sheepish grin when he was “pushed” (so he thinks…) down onto the table. His didn’t quite stick the landing and instead fell right onto a beer glass, nearly cutting his pinky off. Instead of being sensible and leaving, he stuck it in his pocket and continued drinking as if nothing was wrong. (Check out the blood on his pocket in the picture). A while later he noticed the blood and we promptly left. Nate assured me he knew the way home, but 3 times we arrived back at the Hofbrauhaus. Seriously, no joke. Eventually we figured out we just had to go back the way we came (a straight shot) and made our way back to the hostel after a brief stop at McDonalds for a filet of fish sandwhich. All in all it was a good night and a good initiation into the Munchener lifestyle.


On Wednesday we wanted to delve a little deeper into Munich’s history, so we took a trip to tour the residence, where generations of dukes and kings lived. Nate had just purchased the tickets and we walked into the first ornately decorated room when my head started spinning and I found myself barely able to walk because of a sharp pain in my left side. Yes, I know, I could’ve picked better timing, like BEFORE we spent the 18 euro on the tickets, but what can I say. So we went back to the hostel where I spent the afternoon drifting in and out of fevered sleep. That night the pain grew sharper, fever grew stronger, and I began vomitting. In the morning we decided we better bite the bullet and go to the doctor, a scary experience in any foreign country, let alone one where you don’t know the language! Heroic Nate saved the day and we found our way to the doctor’s office. At first they weren’t going to accept a cash payment, but Nate negotiated and I got in. The clinics here are much smaller and more plentiful than in the United States. The doctor seemed very relaxed and spoke kindly in his broken English, although he showed no mercy while prodding into my left flank. After what seemed like an eternity of this harsh kneading of my body and a piss test, he determined that I had a kidney infection and prescribed me with an antibiotic regimen and some pills to ease my stomach ache. Fortunately the doctor visit and pills came to only 55 euro. I spent the next four days laying in agony with Nate nursing me back to health. I am now almost 100% recovered and soon we plan to start sightseeing once again.




Well, sorry again for taking so long with this post, but as you can see it has been a busy week! We have booked the Euro Youth Hostel through Thursday, giving us a few more days to take-in Munich. After that, we will be making a trek north through some midevil towns to Frankfurt. Wish us health and luck!(please click on the picyures to enlarge)

The Leader Adjusts the Sails

Well it has been 10 days since Nate and I arrived at the Kunzner farm, giving us plenty of time to analyze our situation here. So far most of my blog posts have focused on the positive aspects of living here. I didn’t want to worry anyone with the unpleasant details. However, as the days have gone by, we have realized that this experience has really been more unpleasant than pleasant. I have always liked the quote, “The pessimist complains about the wind, the optimist expects it to change, and the leader adjusts the sails.” Being neither pessimists nor optimists, Nate and I decided to adjust the sails and change course. Next Wednesday we will be leaving the farm to continue our stay elsewhere in Germany.

I guess I should explain why we have come to this decision. Going into this experience, Nate and I expected to be working an average of 4 hours a day as indicated by our correspondence with Jenny and Helmut. We expected to have some free time to complete our studies online and enjoy the area. We are now each working an average of 6 hours a day; the work is on and off throughout the day and we are generally expected to be available at anytime for Jenny and Helmut. While we are working, the farm owners are generally sleeping or watching TV in the living room. They work only about 3-4 hours a day.

The work load alone would not be so bad, but when we are not working it is very boring here. Jenny and Helmut rarely make an effort to engage in conversation and don’t allow us into the living room to watch TV with them. Through the conversations we have had, we sense a condescending attitude towards Americans. They detest many of the cultural spill-overs that have come to Germany from America. They also often talk about the horrors of conventional agriculture; Jenny said that she believed GMOs were the most horrible thing in the world and she would stop farming before using them. Little does she know how much advocacy work Nate and I do for conventional agriculture.

Nate and I are both generally adaptable people who find the good in most situations, but this experience has been slowly draining our good spirits. I know that many of you might hope that we would stick it out and give it more of a shot, but I can clearly see that this is not a good situation for us. We have asked Jenny and Helmut if we could possibly get weekends off or for suggestions for things to do, but they have not been accommodating. We want to make the most out of this once-in-a-lifetime experience. If I wanted to shovel shit all day and stare at the wall the rest of the time, I would have just stayed and worked for my dad! Are we disappointed about it? Sure, a little. We wish it would have worked out better, but we’re really excited about getting out of this joint and having some fun.

So on Wednesday we are off to start a new leg of this adventure. We’ll be taking the train to Chiemsee, the “Bavarian Sea” for a few days where there are a couple of great castles and other diversions. From there we’ll focus on southern Bavaria and northern Austria, hitting up places such as the Neuschwanstein Castle (Disney Castle), Salzburg, and the Bavarian Alps. After that we’ll head up to Munich for the Starkbierzeit (Strong Beer Festival) and to explore the city there. We’ll be staying in youth hostels and cheap hotels and hope to meet some other travelers along the way.

Now, since I know you’re anticipation is growing, I feel compelled to give you an update on The Count. He had a pretty good day today and was able to keep his “Ah, ahs…” to a minimum. He also had a visitor, another tiny old man from the village with checkered pants, a flannel shirt, and a newsboy hat. Standing 5’3” with deep smile lines, the visitor rocked back and forth on his heels as he told The Count the week’s gossip. It really was a comical sight, seeing The Count, who is normally deaf and sickly, leap from his chair and turn up his hearing aid. He seemed 20 years younger with his friend as they chatted back and forth. Nate and I later mused that perhaps The Count really is in much better condition than he lets on; we think he’s just playing sick to get out of the endless heap of chores.

Today was a pretty typical day. We did our normal chores including cleaning out the stables, feeding the animals, gathering eggs, and painting a room in the house. After lunch we walked into Hoslwang only to find that everything was closed down until 3:30. Jenny yelled at The Count for his incessant noises and he retorted with,"Warum macht Sie nur mich keinem Heim dann schicken!“ ("Why don't you just send me to a home then!"). Later, The Count walked in on Nate in the bathroom. I happened to be in the hallway to witness it and we both had a good laugh at The Count's astonished look. All in all, it was a pretty slow day; so rather than boring you with a drawn-out account, I'm going to take some time to comment on some of the German quirks that we've noticed thus far.



House Shoes. Before our arrival here Jenny emailed me asking that we bring "house shoes." Nate and I were utterly befuddled about what this could mean. So we emailed a couple of acquaintances that we have over here only to receive completely unhelpful replies from both of them. A few days before we left we went to the mall and both bought pairs of slippers. It turned out that the slippers are sufficient. House shoes is really a pretty broad terms for shoes that are confined only to the house. These could be slippers, sandals (but not thong sandals, because you want to wear them with socks), crocks, or simply tennis shoes that are confined indoors. In Germany, or at least in Bavaria, no one wears outdoor shoes in the house. Even school children are required to have a pair of shoes that they keep in school. Why? Probably because they want to keep the floors clean, but just going stocking-footed isn’t an option because so many of the houses are old and drafty. It seems that they even keep house shoes at friends’ and families’ houses. I was quite embarrassed last week when we went to a birthday party and I didn’t have adequate footwear. I had worn my ballet-style shoes with no socks. Upon arrival to the party, everyone took their shoes off and either had heavy woolen socks or house shoes. I, of course, was barefoot. It really seemed to be quite hilarious to the party-goers. Luckily, the hostess lent me a pair of woolen socks for the night.

The Eating Schedule. Eating is quite an event here. We start the day with our breakfast which is a fruit mix with yogurt and granola on weekdays; on Sundays it is eggs and rolls. Everyone drinks coffee, usually two cups. Lunch is the biggest meal of the day and always delicious. Jenny makes nearly everything from scratch, even noodles. Lunch has mostly been casseroles and homemade soups with vegetables and apple juice. Everyone eats together, the table is set before we sit down, and Jenny dishes up everyone’s plate. At around 5:00 we have a break from work when we drink coffee and eat something sweet, either cake, rolls, or bread with jam and honey. Actually, they serve their dense homemade bread at almost every meal, loaded with a thick layer of butter. Later in the evening, around 8:00 or so, we might have a small supper, only if we are still hungry. Sometimes this would be leftovers from lunch. Sometimes it is bread with various smokes meats, homemade mustard, and homemade cheese. The cheese is made from the milk of two cows which they keep in the mountains, so they call it “mountain cheese.” It’s really sharp, dry, and kind of stinky.


The toilets. The hole in the toilets is way in the front instead of in the back, and there is no sitting water. When you flush, a strong burst of water comes from the back and washes everything to the hole. The lack of sitting water makes it really stink when a person poops, because it has a few extra seconds (sometimes minutes…) to sit in there.


Heating. Most of the houses around here are wood-heated, and not very well. The furnace is only running in the afternoon and part of the night. Our bedroom has been as cold as 45 degrees Fahrenheit. (We know this because there’s a thermometer on our alarm clock.).
To make things worse, we have to open the window for a few hours a day to “let the moisture out.” To make things worse yet, I found out on the first night that I am allergic to wool. I went into anaphylactic shock and started wheezing terribly. Since most of the blankets were wool, now we only have one blanket each left to use. Also, we can only take showers in an allotted time in the afternoon or else we use up all the hot water and there is no heat in the house. Luckily, there are usually two rooms in the house which are fully heated: a kitchen and a living room. These rooms have separate woods stoves which The Count dutifully keeps stocked
Driving. The roads are very narrow and curvy, not good for me who am getting increasingly prone to carsickness. Everyone drives tiny cars with standard transmissions. Few cars have radios since they have to pay 80 Euro a month to the government for each radio they have (same for TVs). We’ve only seen one stop sign in our travels; they are mostly all yield signs.

Well, that’s all I can think of for now, but I’m sure we’ll come up with more as time goes on. I hope that you’re enjoying reading and be sure to make some comments!

The Farm

No one seems to know how long the farm has been in Helmut's family--we know that the house is over 300 years old, but whether or not the Kuenzner's were the original owners is a mystery lost in time. Helmut bought the farm from The Count in 1991, and made many changes in his ownership.

The farm was once a traditional Bavarian dairy farm with only about 30 cows. The barn was and still is attached to the house, as is common here. Really, it's not as bad as it sounds. You don't really smell the farm any more than in a Wisconsin farm house where everyone wears their work shoes inside anyways. Now it is filled with beef steers. They call the breed "Flake Fee" and it looks somewhere in between dairy and beef animals. Apparently the breed originated in the Bavarian Alps--Bavarians are very patriotic even in business pursuits and the breed is very common here for beef and dairy farms. There are about 30 of the animals and they are Demeter organic, the strictest organic standard in the world. Jenny and Helmut are not even allowed to dehorn them. While the barn is original, it has had a few updates. It is a free-stall style with the animals being stanchioned only to feed. There is an automated manure scraper which makes the work load very light. Nate and I just have to throw a little straw down in the morning for the mattresses in the back, then later we feed them hay and silage.

They get the animals as bull calves from a dairy farm which they cooperate with. Nate and I have also gone to the dairy farm to help milk. It too is a retrofitted old barn. There are about 40 cows, all Flake-Fee, all organic. The size of the farm is actually on the larger side for southern Germany...there are some larger farms in Northern Germany, but nowhere near American numbers. The Bavarians are astonished when I tell them that I come from an 85-cow farm; they think it must be one of those "factory farms" they hear about...they are even more astonished when I tell them that our farm is on the small side. There is an 8 milker single-side pit parlor which was put in 15 years ago. In general everything is pretty similar to Wisconsin farms, although the cows don't seem to give much milk. The farm-owner was very proud not only of the organic standards, but also that they don't use any genetics-only a couple bulls. (This should explain why the cows don't give much milk).


The two farms not only share animals, but also help out with meat processing. Every 2 months there is a meat Friday when they butcher a couple beef steers and a couple hogs. Nate and I got to participate in the chaos of cutting up, packaging, and sorting the meat for over 90 orders. We had to take an order card and assemble a box of the various types of meat that the customer had requested. Of course, the order was written in German and there were a lot of different cuts of meat to sort through. The farm owners didn't seem to be to concerned about our lack of competency, so we weren't either, but I'm pretty sure that there are going to be a few confused customers...

Jenny and Helmut also care for around 10 horses, some of which are theirs and some of which they raise for other people in exchange for 110E a month rent. Our jobs with the horses are to clean and bed 2 stables and 5 box stanchions, move the horses to different pastures, and feed them. Nate and I are beginning to resent the horses for their lack of contribution to society and willingess to live off the system....we call them "the liberals."

There are also around 30 chickens, which are not much work at all. We just go in a couple times a day, check for eggs, and fill their water.

Other tasks that we do include making breakfast (a mix of apples, oranges, bananas, granola, and yogurt that is sometimes suspiciously chunky), doing dishes (using water warmed on the stove since there is no hot water in the kitchen), setting the table (and we have to make sure that The Count gets his special dishes), and helping to rennovate an old room upstairs.

The Bavarian People

Here I will take a little time to write about the people we have met thus far. Jenny and Helmut are a mid-forties couple who have been together only 4 years and were married in 09. They live on Helmut's family farm with his father, Vincent, who we call "The Count" because he is always making noises sounding like, "Bah, ah, aha, ah..."

Jenny is a traveler at heart who has done a lot of expeditions in New Zealand, Australia, Chile, and Europe. Her English is excellent and she even speaks a little Spanish as well. She was born in Texas, where her father was at a military base, but moved to Germany shortly after. Coming in to this adventure, Nate and I were aware of the German stereotype that Americans are shallow, so we tried to curb this stereotype by engaging in deeper conversations. Germans usually hold a small circle of friends, but are very close to that circle. Jenny and I have already talked about abortion (she’s against), adoption (she’s for), her life’s dreams (to move to S. America), the organic philosophy of life, and more.

Helmut is a true Bavarian. His English is rough, although he is opening up more and more every day. His German is difficult for Nate to understand as Nate learned Hoch Deustche and Helmut speaks Bayernish. Helmut and Nate get along very well because they are both interested in tractors and Helles beer. Their friendship is a double edged sword, though, because Helmut has also become very trusting of Nate, inevitably leading to more work. Nate has already driven the car a few times, which is a frightening experience tearing down winding narrow roads. Nate has also milked cows at the co-op farm a few times.





The Count sits in the kitchen all day with a rug on his lap making his count noises. He doesn't speak any English and really doesn't speak much at all...we don't think he can hear much. The only time Jenny and Helmut talk to him is when they are scolding him for putting too much wood in the fire, being too loud, or any other number of things. On our second night here he spent the night walking around the house crying and yelling. The next day the doctor came on a house call and gave him some quieting medicine. He seems to like Nate and me because we keep him company in the kitchen. He's always watching us at our computers and even smiled and said "Guten Morgan" a couple of times. He is very old, but doesn't seem to need a lot of care yet, except on Friday which is bath night for him.

We have met a few other Bavarians at various events. Jenny and Helmut’s beef farm cooperates with a dairy farm in Jolling. Jenny and Helmut get the bull calves to raise as beef. They also help out with daily milking. Nate and I have gotten to help milk several times; the process is not much different than our own family farms. Along with the farm, they host a meat day every two months where they sell the fruits of their labor. Here is where we met many people from the cooperative farm. So far we have met more English-speaking women than men, which is not surprising seeing as how women are such superior communicators!



We also had the opportunity to go to a Bavarian birthday party. Here, everyone sat at tables talking, eating, and drinking. Surprisingly, Nate was one of the only ones drinking beer. Also surprisingly, they don’t like to drink beer warm; everyone turned their nose up when Nate mentioned his peculiar preference. Party goers were mostly drinking schnapps (which they set on fire) and wine. The party was a little bit lonely for us as we couldn’t pick up on much German in the crowded room. Then we were befriended by a guy our age who has an excellent English vocabulary from his trips to Alaska and Texas. With him we got along swimmingly and we’re even planning a night out to a discotheque in Rosenheim.

Overall, the Bavarians are a very friendly bunch and we look forward to getting to know them better.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Monday morning, after months of planning, we were finally off to Germany. The first leg of our trip was from home to Minneapolis driven by Nate's parents. We made it to the airport in plenty of time and swiftly got through security. Somehow I got through with a fork and a big bottle of Mary Kay moisturizer in my carry-on....so much for airport security!

From Minneapolis we flew to Philly where we ate authentic Philly cheese steak sandwiches and Nate drank a Yuengling beer (I guess it's the oldest brewery in America and is located on the east coast..)

Next was the big fight over the pond. Surprisingly the flight was only about 25% full. Probably a comment on the state of many airlines these days. Everyone ended up laying out across rows of seats for comfy sleeping. Everyone except us that is. We weren't quick enough to the empty rows and ended up having to stay in our normal seats.

After only 7 hours of flying, getting off the plane was surely a culture shock. We were set to meet Jenny at the Bad Endorf train station at 11:45 and only had 3 hours to figure out the train system. Luckily the man at the ticket booth spoke English and helped us buy train tickets. We needed to go from the airport to Munich East to Rosenheim to Bad Endorf. It turns out we could have just compressed those stops into one ticket, but Nate and I wanted to make it interesting, so we just bought the first leg with the nice English-speaking man and fumbled our way through the electronic kiosks for the other legs of the journey.

When most Americans think of a train/subway system, it usually comes with crowds, dirt, and creepy people. From what we've seen of the German train system, it seems much different. There were not many people, there was plenty of open seating, and it was very clean.


Jenny was there at the train station to pick us up right on time and we made our way on our last leg of the journey to our new home in Hoslwang.